Beyond the models on TV

Beneath the surface skin of cosmetic counters

I find myself

Plain, simple

Girl next door

Not so glamorous

No shiny make-up, no hair stylist

But past the high heels

And beyond the short skirts

And beneath the face of the mirror

I find myself

From myself

I don’t believe I want something you don’t

Ease, flow, gentle movements

Like a mermaid

Playing in the ocean of our joy

And floating in the pools of our contentment

You can feel it too,

I know you can

I want to see [...]]]> I don’t believe I’m asking too much from you

From myself

I don’t believe I want something you don’t

Ease, flow, gentle movements

Like a mermaid

Playing in the ocean of our joy

And floating in the pools of our contentment

You can feel it too,

I know you can

I want to see your strength again

To feel you hold me up

Hold me

Muscles and sweat, the sweet burn of working

Let’s climb again

Powerfully exploring every curve of the earth

Curiosity and will carrying us

To places we capture in our imagination

Now go on

Release the energy of this lifetime

Run faster than you’ve ever run

Leap higher and farther than before

Lift us carefree and confidently

Into the stars

To kiss the galaxies

Then come back to my center

And draw into the long stretch of breath

Sink into the power

Of feeling your body

The meeting place between below and above

Notice, just notice

The beat of your heart

The feel of your skin

The love of my caress

In the darkness of my hope

In the cold, hard nooks

Of my bones

And my being

Moments of remembering

How things used to be

How easy it used to be

To walk with you

To sit with you quietly in the sun

To run through the woods

Jump the streams, and [...]]]> Dancing with you

In the darkness of my hope

In the cold, hard nooks

Of my bones

And my being

Moments of remembering

How things used to be

How easy it used to be

To walk with you

To sit with you quietly in the sun

To run through the woods

Jump the streams, and climb the cliffs

Dancing with you

Some mornings it’s all I can do

To give myself over to listening

To you and your pain and your demands

I know

I know you need me

I remember too

I remember how we used to be

Anger, grief, resentment

Feelings of betrayal

Things aren’t how they used to be

Never will be again

Hopelessness is but a breath away

Dancing with you

Is so hard

In the darkness of my hope

In the cold, hard nooks

Of my bones

And my being

I see a sparkle all around her face

And a smile that tells me she’s happy to see me

I see eyes that welcome me in

And arms willing to hold me tenderly

I see her dreams and joys

I witness her sorrows and fears

I am comforted by her [...]]]> When I look at her

I see a sparkle all around her face

And a smile that tells me she’s happy to see me

I see eyes that welcome me in

And arms willing to hold me tenderly

I see her dreams and joys

I witness her sorrows and fears

I am comforted by her voice

And tickled by her laugh

She inspires me, challenges me, teases me and

Moves me

To be more of myself

When I look at her

I don’t wonder if her butt looks good in that outfit

Or if her thighs move when she walks

I don’t contemplate the best way for her to look sexy

On her back, or on her side?

I don’t ask myself if she has cellulite on her butt

Or if her back has rolls of extra skin

Or if she’s lost a few pounds, or if she’s gained a few pounds

Or if she’s got flabby arms or chubby knees

When I look at her I love her

Simple and pure

Fiercely protective and proudly supportive

I love her

I love her

I love her

She is my friend, my mother, my auntie, my soul sister

She is my mentor, my teacher, my counsel, my guide

She is my grandmother and my child, my pal and my companion

She is my partner, my playmate, my lover

I love her

I love her

I love her

I don’t look at her in judgment

I don’t weigh her worth in pounds

I don’t measure her power in inches

And so I sit here and wonder

Why do I do that to myself?

What do I need to know?

How many times you’ve tried

To get my attention, to ask for me to pay attention

How many ways I’ve managed

To forget to notice, to fail to notice

What is it that you would like for me to do

For [...]]]> What do you want to tell me today?

What do I need to know?

How many times you’ve tried

To get my attention, to ask for me to pay attention

How many ways I’ve managed

To forget to notice, to fail to notice

What is it that you would like for me to do

For you?

For us?

I want to be a good steward for us

I want to take care of you

I want to listen when you sing

And come to you when you call

I want to build a way for us to

Live happily, gently, gracefully

I know how you want that, too

I know you are waiting for me

To join you in this dance

Please don’t give up on me

I can do this, I can pay attention and notice

I can build a way for us

I will dance with you

As long as you’ll have me

From the plate to a fork

From the fork to my lips

And suddenly a magical series of events is set off

Sensors on my tongue

Transform my food into pleasure

Tastes that please and tease my brain

While secretly they also tell my mouth to [...]]]> How does food become the fuel for my body?

From the plate to a fork

From the fork to my lips

And suddenly a magical series of events is set off

Sensors on my tongue

Transform my food into pleasure

Tastes that please and tease my brain

While secretly they also tell my mouth to send enzymes

Breaking down bites of plant and animal

Swallow

Dropping my food down into a chasm of roiling acid

Undulations begin moving

Gentle waves

Through my system

The walls extracting

The nutrients and minerals

The proteins and particles

I need to survive

Filtering out the poisons

Discarding the waste

Three times a day

Every day

From the soil my food comes forth

And to the soil my body will return

But for now

I eat and drink

Gratefully

Protected by an outer cage

Ribs and muscle

Working every second

To expand and contract

Breathe

Breath

Inhaling, exhaling, in, out

When did I learn

How to do this thing?

This thing without which

I would cease to be

The air in which I move

Is alive

Humid, heavy [...]]]> Two fragile chambers in my center

Protected by an outer cage

Ribs and muscle

Working every second

To expand and contract

Breathe

Breath

Inhaling, exhaling, in, out

When did I learn

How to do this thing?

This thing without which

I would cease to be

The air in which I move

Is alive

Humid, heavy in southern skies

Frigid, icy beneath the stars

Winds of hurricanes

Fertile mixture of gases

Invisible, weightless

It enters me

Filling me, animating me

Yet the most imperative function

Keeping me alive

Is absent of my awareness

How did I learn to do this thing?

This thing without which

I would cease to be

To a magical looking glass

A fantastic living telescope

Powerful, yet fragile

Opening and closing, dilating

As needed

Light playing off every surface

Images reversed to look inside

Myself, inside you

Peering from within to the outer world

Allowing me to find my way

And ushers in the night

My dreams allow me to see you differently

Neon electrical flashes

From neuron to neuron

Green, blue, yellow, red

Leaping the distances between

Long alien tails and arms

Linking outward creating a web

Mysterious signals bolt out

Traveling down the cords

One after [...]]]> As the sun rotates below the horizon

And ushers in the night

My dreams allow me to see you differently

Neon electrical flashes

From neuron to neuron

Green, blue, yellow, red

Leaping the distances between

Long alien tails and arms

Linking outward creating a web

Mysterious signals bolt out

Traveling down the cords

One after another

Chasing each other

Faster than any eye could see

Coded messages sending

Instructions to every organ

Every gland, every cell

Like music with hidden notes

To act, rest, create, modify

Regenerate, expunge, fuel, produce

A million orders passing

Faster than a master chef’s cook line

Hunger, contentment, exhaustion

Fear, joy

Power, pleasure, and pain

Every actor in the script

Vital, imperative

Critical for the survival of all

A fantastic, whirling dance

Of energy

Of matter

Of spirit

Agony ripping through me

Tearing, twisting,

Piercing my side

Confusion, terror,

Blindly finding my way

Through the dark

My brain trying to make sense

Of the excruciating pain

Driving through me

Driving me

To seek reprieve, relief

Begging for a moment of

Mercy

What did I do? What did [...]]]> Waking in the dark of night

Agony ripping through me

Tearing, twisting,

Piercing my side

Confusion, terror,

Blindly finding my way

Through the dark

My brain trying to make sense

Of the excruciating pain

Driving through me

Driving me

To seek reprieve, relief

Begging for a moment of

Mercy

What did I do? What did I do?

What’s happening?

How can I make it stop?

Throbbing, stabbing,

I surrender

Short of breath,

Unable to find thoughts

Panic sets in quickly and finds

An easy bedfellow with

Guilt

What did I do? I must have done something

Why is this happening?

Please make it stop

And in an instant

The option

Of taking you for granted

Is wiped away

I am humbled and awed

By you

All over again

And reminded

It can all be gone again

In an instant